1. |
I Ghost Myself
04:23
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Do I dare raise from this bed
And do I bother breaking from
This sullen gravity that fills my head?
And do I dare force out this song
That pools so languid on my tongue
Without a wind, without the slightest sound?
Why bother doing anything?
The Big One's gonna come one day
And hurl my rattled soul into the sea
But even now I feel the pull
To see my friends, to see the teeming life
To breath the air and drink the light
But no, I ghost myself
Lying down and looking up
The ceiling's full of little marks
I stare so long, they burn like stars in my eyes
And if I focus hard enough
Perhaps their gravity will lift me up
Out of bed and back to life
But I'm scared of life and I'm scared of death
I'm scared to breathe a fucking breath
My choices made to me returned
When the Big One churns up all it can churn
And throws my soul into the night
And eats the air and drinks the light
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2. |
Some Other Morning
01:30
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Some other morning
Enters the room
Looks at the things
You didn't do
Sizes you up
The light pours in
And fills a cup you meant to drink from
By a chair you wanted to think on
By the book you'll never read
Written in dust that will stay unstirred
Ancient dust that will stay unstirred
In the morning
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3. |
Oh Awful Fire
06:11
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Oh awful fire
That burns in my eyes a vision bright and long and fills up the night
While I only wish to get by
Oh awful fire
That singes my hands as I try to snuff you out of my life
Why even try?
How long until it dies?
Oh lunar mind
Playing films of how things could be, if only I tried
Could you just let me sleep?
Oh lunar child
That skips comets across atmospheres like stones across a speckle of ponds
Could you sink one for me?
How long until it dies?
Oh wild hunger
Take you wounds away from the pack, head somewhere foreign to die
Just don't do it in front of me
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4. |
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Well my fears didn't come true
But strange, in a way they did
As I hid away in bleak anticipation
And the world keeps on ending
Seismic shifts that seem preordained
Despite my hesitation
So my flowers did not bloom
And my hopes did not bear fruit
And now it's too late to know you
The way I wanted to know you
Well no trumpets will play at our funerals
No grave-robbers will ever find
The fossils of our strangled desires
So swing low, sweet codeine
And let me watch this with cool detachment:
The coastline's choked up with smoke and fire
They say there's water at the bottom of the ocean
But here I'm drowning on dry land
And now it's too late to know you
The way I wanted to know you
How do you grieve something you don't know?
I'll never see the arctic snow
The last time I saw you
You were absent and gaunt
I didn't know how to speak to you
The last time I saw you
You forgot how to speak
I didn't know how to make sense of you
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5. |
Juan de Fuca
05:42
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Plates are shifting
It feels like something's changed
And I'm out looking for the epicentre
This fog like shattered moon in the shifting night
Juan de Fuca
Holding up the world
Can I make something everlasting
Before you shrug me off your shoulders and into the night?
Don't know if you're coming out tonight
Guess I'll find out soon
And one of us will survive the other
But for now, let's enjoy this moon
And every day, you are arriving, just the same
If I die tonight, bury me in song
A fossil of music
That's twenty decades long
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6. |
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"Oh wheel, how do you move
With such decisive verve?
Show me how I might too
Roll on without a swerve"
"Well, I'm just a fucking wheel,"
It flatly replied,
"I don't put much thought in it,
I just go and I arrive"
Hearing this, I felt deflated
It feels silly to admit
Looking to feel validated
Beyond living for the hell of it
Paralyzed again
Where do I go now?
You could lay it all out for me, step by step
And still --
Hearing this, the wheel told me to stop
"Who cares for validation?
Most people are like existential cops
Quick to judge your situation
"As for momentum, or direction
It's a blessing and a curse
It won't make you feel better
In fact, knowing you, it'll make you feel worse
"But don't take it from me
I'm just a wheel
I only seem well-rounded, because I'm full of air.
Just go where you feel."
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7. |
Morning Coda
05:32
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Are you awake?
I'm still awake
Half-light through the window
Day's about to break
Some other morning
Entering the room
And I can't believe
What I'm going to do
Are you awake?
I'm still awake
Half-light through the window
Can I carry its weight?
And if I could sleep
I know I'd dream of talking to you
And you'd scoff and scorn
At what I'm going to do
But this body is mine
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KD Surreal Abbotsford, British Columbia
Recording project for a cloud of anxious nerves on the traditional territory of the Stó:lō people, the Semá:th and Mathxwí First Nation.
Comes out in the summer.
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